Two Sides of the Same Coin
What do you desire from your experience as an entrepreneur?
Perhaps it is to find purpose? Make money? Make a difference? Create a better life for your family? The list goes on and on.
It turns out that the things we desire and the things we fear are two sides of the same coin. One can’t exist without the other. Think about it. - “I want to succeed,” is mirrored with, “I don’t want to fail.”
There is a subtle, but powerful connection between our desires and our fears. Our desires and our fears are both rooted in our attachment. Desire wants a particular attachment to succeed or come to fruition, and fear is the worry that the attachment will not succeed.
Fears and anxieties are mirror images of our desires. Everything that you want is mirrored by a fear or anxiety. The stronger your desire to succeed, the stronger your fear of failure. This is why entrepreneurs experience SO. MUCH. FEAR.
When you send an email to a potential investor or pitch to the client that could give you your big break, you’ll likely face a fear that says, “What if I don’t get the investment I need?” or “What if the client isn’t impressed?”
Our fears don’t make us weak or faulty, they are simply part of the game. In fact, if you aren’t experiencing any fear, you probably aren’t pushing ourselves enough. Once we are aware of our fears and understand that they are part of the game, we have what we need to transform them.
The Fear to Creativity Mirror
By simply identifying when you are feeling afraid, you can transform that fear into a desire, and then come up with a creative solution to navigate the situation instead of being locked and suffocated by your fear.
Step 1: Take one of your fears and name it.
Be really clear about it. - “I’m afraid of failure.” “I’m afraid of feeling ashamed.” “I’m afraid of looking like an imposter.” Whatever it is, give it a name.
Since 80% of people say that their number one fear is public speaking, I’m going to use that as an example. - “I’m afraid of bombing my presentation tomorrow in front of 500 people.”
Step 2: Identify where you feel it in your body.
We spend so much time in our minds. This is especially true for entrepreneurs who are the visionaries for their company. Spending so much time in our minds isn’t particularly helpful (ruminating thoughts, anyone?)
It’s important to feel the experience of fear in your body. Instead of attempting to use your mind to resist the fear, push it away, or ignore it altogether, it is important to actually feel the experience of fear. You can’t transform it if you pretend it isn’t there.
When feeling afraid about my speaking engagement, I feel a tightness in my chest. Or maybe, my heart is racing, my palms are sweating, or I may feel butterflies in my abdomen.
Step 3: Breathe into it.
Once you’ve experienced it, take three deep breaths, focusing on breathing into the place in your body where you are feeling it. Ask, “What is the desire that is being mirrored?”
Let’s revisit the speaking engagement, “Actually, my desire is to communicate my message in a way that inspires people.”
“Ok, so it sounds like you want to be inspiring. You want to clearly convey what you are doing with your organization and why it is important. That’s great.”
Now you are starting to shift the subtle energy of, “I’m afraid of failure,” to “Here’s what I actually want to happen.”
Step 4: Choose to act on your desire.
There’s a point where you have to choose to act on your desire. Ask yourself, “Do I choose to act on my desire and come up with creative solutions?”
Because you don’t have to. You are free to cancel your presentation. You don’t have to build a company. You don’t have to do any of it. This is a choice because it was birthed from your desire.
Reconnect With Your Desires
When entrepreneurs, and humans in general, start reconnecting with their desires, they can actually let go of it if they want to. When you realize that growing a company, completing a beast of a project, or making a terrifying presentation are actually desires that you have created, they will start to lose their grip on you. You’ll begin to experience freedom and that is a really important point. You have a choice.
You may decide that your desire is no longer relevant, no longer in your best interest, or that it needs to be tabled so that you can address it at a more appropriate time.
I often find myself in situations where my anxiety gives me the information I need to feel the freedom to let go of a desire.
But if you say, “Yes, I choose to act on this. I want to get creative,” you’re now in a place to creatively come up with some action steps to pursue your desire, rather than fear all of the things that could go wrong.
In the case of our public speaking example, some creative ways to alleviate your anxiety and pursue your desire may include:
- Sign up with a one-on-one coach who can help you with your public speaking.
- Check out a YouTube channel that can help you with your body language while on stage.
- Practice that talk three, four, or five times with a group of people who you trust and know they will offer you feedback so you can make it stronger.
- The creative action steps are endless. The key is to shift from anxiety to creativity.
Make a Move
Once you begin to move from being a worrier to a creative warrior, your fears will begin to lose their grip on you. Your anxiety will provide you with the information that you need to identify the desire that it mirrors.
Then you have a choice!
You can either let it go (and in many cases, this may be the best call at that moment!). Or, you can choose to access your creativity to identify ways that will give you the tools you need to actively pursue that desire.