Back to the US
My family and I moved back to the US from Kenya in June of 2015.
I left a growing consulting firm I had started just 18 months earlier. It was profitable within a few months of launching and was on pace to double revenue within the second year.
But, for reasons I won’t get into today, I left.
I left Kenya with my identity tied to being a successful entrepreneur.
In the last ten years, I had helped to start three businesses. The business I was leaving was growing fast and was well known in our industry. I could walk into almost any business and get a meeting with the CEO or high-level executive.
Where is Kenya?
Once we landed in the US, I had to start from scratch. I put off trying to start something new because my family needed stability.
I thought people would see my experience in Kenya as an asset. I just knew that everyone would value all of the skills and experiences that are developed when you live and work overseas.
As it turns out, most people didn’t see it that way at all. “Where is Kenya?,” they would say. Or, “I don’t see how your experience in Kenya is relevant to what we are doing.” Even if they didn’t say it out loud, I could tell they were thinking it.
Finally, I was offered the opportunity to work with an international nonprofit. While it wasn’t what I was initially looking for, it has been a blessing to me and my family. And I have grown to love the amazing work they are doing.
Yet, my identity was still tied to being a successful entrepreneur.
Dipping My Toe Back in the Water
Once we were settled back in the States, I started to venture into the business community.
I joined an incubator/accelerator and started training aspiring entrepreneurs. I began mentoring local individuals who were working to grow their businesses.
These were good things but I felt I was losing my identity as a successful entrepreneur. I doubled down and worked hard to portray that identity to those around me and bring up my past accomplishments whenever possible.
My identity was still tied to being a successful entrepreneur.
I Was Miserable
Things around me were going well. I had a great job that allowed me to make a difference. My wife was growing her grant writing business. The kids were in school and making friends. But I was miserable.
I felt like a failure. I was not doing this thing that I believed gave me value and purpose as an individual. I had been back in the US for two years and had yet to start a new business. That may not seem like a long time, but it felt like an eternity to me.
I became desperate.
I was willing to say “yes” to any opportunity that might lead to a business idea. I would start down one path and get frustrated if it didn’t lead to success within three months.
My fear and anxiety of not living up to my identity as a successful entrepreneur created a vicious cycle. I would make rash and ill-informed decisions that would lead to setbacks. Those setbacks would cause more fear and anxiety that would lead to bad decisions, and the cycle would continue.
Something Has to Give
This lasted for the next year and a half and led to three failed business ideas. I was at my lowest point.
My fear and anxiety was not only affecting me, it was affecting my family. I felt unfulfilled and was unable to provide the support my wife and boys needed from me.
By the end of 2018, I knew something had to change.
During this time, my wife and I sought parenting support to help our children navigate fear and anxiety. I saw the tools, resources, and strategies we were learning start to work. I knew I needed something similar to address some of the struggles I faced as an entrepreneur.
Breaking the Cycle
As I started to adapt these tools for myself, I started down the path that has led me to start The Unleashed Startup and begin to help other entrepreneurs develop the tools and resources they need for their journey.
I learned to identify threats to my mental wellbeing. One of the most important tools I learned was to recognize attachment to unhealthy identities. This included wrapping up my identity in my worth as an entrepreneur.
I had to accept that, while I was an entrepreneur in the past and hope to be again in the future, it doesn’t define who I am. It is part of my story, but there is more to who I am.
I am a husband.
I am a dad.
I am a friend.
I am a son.
I am a brother.
I have found the best guide to finding my true identity is through my faith. Knowing that I am loved by God and freely given His grace has allowed me to live with incredible freedom. It’s helping me place less worth in any single part of my identity.
Moving Forward
I now believe the failures in my business are not my personal failures. My business success does not determine my success in other areas of my life. I have the freedom to be present in every aspect of my life, doing what is necessary to keep myself healthy.
This process isn’t easy. We can’t compartmentalize all of our roles in life and that is not the goal. Instead, I’m learning to put each role in its proper place. Working hard to start and grow a business isn’t a bad thing. Hustle and hard work can be life-giving with healthy boundaries and a healthy mindset.
This is an ongoing process. I have to be reminded by myself and others that my business doesn’t define who I am. At times, I need these reminders daily. I am surrounded by an awesome community that reminds me who I am and where my true identity lies. I hope you are making this a priority as well.
Join My List
If this is an area that resonates with you, sign up for my newsletter. While I share some stuff on the blog from my newsletter, that is where it goes first. And the subscribers get some unique content that never makes it here.
It also gives you an easy way to interact with me. I love hearing feedback and sharing the resources that you share with me. But you can only do that if you sign up!